Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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