I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
