i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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