Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
