do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
