omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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