piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
