How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
