Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
