What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
false alarm, still single
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
