if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
