Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
