Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
