This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
