dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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