do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
