and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
