It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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