Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize