Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
