i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
