I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
