My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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