I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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