she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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