update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
