i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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