grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
