I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
