I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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