I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
