The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
