the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
