I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
