I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
