Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
