this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
