im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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