How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
