So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
