Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
