How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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