If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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