I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
