chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
