Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
