The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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