Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
