never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
