I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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