I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
