Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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