The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
