Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
