20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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