Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
