We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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