What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
