He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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