just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
