i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
