she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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