The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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