new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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