woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
