ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
