so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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