Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
