im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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