I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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