There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
