I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
