new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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