oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize