seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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