I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
