if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize