i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
