she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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