Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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