he was CRYING into my vagina
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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