Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
