forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
