I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
