At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
