Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
