haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
