you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
