its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
