cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize