my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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