shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize