My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize