just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
