Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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