no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
