I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
