a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
