every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
